since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
