Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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