Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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