moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
