I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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