i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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