i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
