I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
