I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
