What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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