i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
