you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
