I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
