This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
