Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
