Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
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When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize