Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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