You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
