So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize