mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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