Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
