I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
