a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
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i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
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That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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