I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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