he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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