It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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