Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
