Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
