remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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