took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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