She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
