I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
