He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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