you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
