Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
