Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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