bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
