when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
