i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
