At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
