Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
