Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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