dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
