I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
