I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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