On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
