i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
