just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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