gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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