Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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