hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
