mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
