This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
