the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
