this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
