The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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