I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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