Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
