You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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