you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
