The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
