i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I need a beard to bite.
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