The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
