...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I love you.
Bad choice
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
