You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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